When parents come to mediation they frequently discuss what their lives will look like now they have separated and fundamental to their decision making is what will be best for the children.
Children also have concerns about changes happening in their family and will have worries about what lies ahead.
- Where will they live?
- Will they stay in the same house?
- How will they see both of their parents?
- What happens to their friends, clubs, school, activities?
- How about family pets … will they see them?
- Will they still see Grandma and Grandad?
Child Inclusive Mediation gives an opportunity to share worries and concerns whilst their parents are in mediation without the pressure of feeling responsible for decision making or feeling that they have to take sides.
Your mediator will talk to you about how your children can contribute, and if you both agree, the mediator will arrange to meet with your children separate to the meetings between you and your ex-partner.
The meeting with the children is confidential and they can then decide how their views and opinions are relayed to you as their parents.
In cases where children have been allowed to share their views in mediation, parents have worked together to make sure their children’s wishes become a reality.
The benefits of Child Inclusive Mediation are :
- It’s confidential
- You can develop ideas and try out arrangements to see if they work for the whole family, without being constrained by court orders or statutory involvement, such as local authority or Cafcass
- It’s voluntary everybody agrees to try it
- It helps you develop new methods of communication and prevents the children from becoming the messenger
In Child Inclusive Mediation parents are assured that :
- Children will not be asked to make choices or decisions
- Parental authority is respected
- Children are seen only with the agreement of both parents
- We will discuss fully the process and purpose of a “listening meeting” before involving children.
When are children involved?
Children can be involved in the mediation process at different stages for example :
- Children can be invited to meet with the mediator at an early stage, to ensure that their issues are included in the parental agenda
- Once options have been identified and explored, in order to hear their views and take them into account
- At the end, to communicate and explain proposed future arrangements and to “fine-tune” them in light of children’s response
- More than once
- For an individual or family meeting.
Here are some comments from children who have experienced child-inclusive mediation
“It helped me to say how I felt about my Dad”
“It helped me to see things a bit differently. I thought about solutions rather than just seeing problems”
“I felt it was a good experience because it made it clear as to what would happen”
